a moment out of time

i removed myself from the larger dance circle, taking a place beside my godsister and opting to do a simple two-step instead. omo sango, i simply cannot hear drums and sit still, but figured i'd be safe if i wasn't too close...

before i knew it, i felt surrounded; ancestral energy enveloped me, awakened by the rhythms, candlelight, shrines and offerings.

i thought i would cry, but instead my hands instinctively raised themselves in namaskaram and i shifted a bit...still two-stepping, but feeling myself drift away slightly. gradually, my body swayed side to side as my feet slowed.

the beginning of the end of me.

i didn't know how long the song would last, so i didn't want to surrender completely, but the pull was too strong to resist. infectious joy.

i allowed another to control my feet, shoulders, arms. i knew i was doing some dance i'd normally have to consciously learn--maybe even with some difficulty.

one of the many foremothers whose names i'll never know was teaching me to dance. was dancing through me. wanted to know how i had found home all the way across the water. grateful that her daughter was as moved by the beat as she once was.

the drums pulsated in my ears...i thought i had drifted towards them, or the master drummer had risen and danced across the room. i forced my eyes open for a moment and realized i had only moved about a foot to the left; the drums remained in a corner to my far right, just beyond the altar.

drums have come to greet me before...calling, calling calling...begging me to come and dance. come and move. come and be.

instead of fighting it off, i let the sounds wash over and through me, partially controlling the dance, partially letting it control me.

the drums faded, and she went with them.
i thanked her; she promised to come again. any time i wanted to dance.

just like the one who grasped the drum and beat out rhythms i couldn't know...

just like the one who wielded a machete to cut sugarcane and lent me her strength...

just like the ones who descended to let me know i was on the right path...

they love us
watch over us
are us.

adupe o



i've been having those deep, dark days lately. fading with the moon.
moods everywhere; dreams i try to remember, but can't always.
trying to keep one foot on this plane while longing for the next...

i may be marked for kabiyesile, but i can still walk the ocean floor.
sometimes it can make me feel unsettled, unbalanced, unusual.

but then he told me he loved all of me...

and i smiled.