even my angels
carry flaming swords. you might
want to watch your step.


sacrifice {part 2}

the visions of the temples returned.

so many men, so many lifetimes.

again and again i was desired...sought after.  sometimes loved.  

the men were both redeemed and redeemers.  no judgment of me, no pretense.  only respect, pleasure.

i was so intertwined with them that solitude became sensual; an opportunity to rest firmly within my own body without calling on the Goddess to heal or consult.  my personal space was more defined, more precious.

the adornments kept me in constant awareness of my movement.  every step mattered, every gesture.

i walked in power.

i was a sacrifice, yes.  but never a martyr.  there was nothing pitiful or sad about my service.

this knowledge, these visions, are empowering and frustrating all at once.  sexuality has been defiled and the spirit of woman stifled.  now, offering my body as community property would be disastrous.   

still, i am not "alone".  my lovers live within me, and they are innumerable.

they hold me in the empty spaces...still praising, still grateful.


sacrifice {part 1}

i am
the holy whore,
redfoot woman.

i can still see the henna;
brass and gold sing as i walk--
ankles, feet, neck and crown
heavy with adornments.

always full
of my own

quenching thirst,
cleansing souls.

i have laid upon the altar,
gave and gave;
conceived children of god
deep within myself
greeting them with fruit and incense
upon conception.

i have always known my place.

now, men fear
rather than respect;

no one teaches them anymore
no one leads them.

...yet they come.
drawn to the old ways
with numbed tongues
and far deeper wounds
than my  hands can heal.

i am qadishtu,
a woman alone in her tent;
snow maiden,
daughter of het heru;
lightning for eyes,
honey for thighs.

nearly alone
this lifetime.

nearly forgotten...

but unable
to fade away.


nanowrimo notes...

well, i gave it a shot.

it's likely the 50K goal will not happen, even with a four day weekend. but i am setting a personal goal of at least 25K by november 30th, which i think is well within reach.

instead of a novel, this may wind up getting cut up into several short stories that i can serialize here.

this exercise has shown me that i am probably not a novel writer.  at minimum, novel writing demands a level of focus that my life does not allow me at the moment.  

in general, i've learned that creative writing winds up sending me down some huge highway: i know where i'm going, but there are so many interesting places to see between here and there, i get distracted. as long as i'm dealing with stretches of road, i'm good.  but some of the exits are just too tempting. opening the flow for one set of ideas brings others along for the ride.  sometimes i never finish the original trip. 

this is how i wound up with three blogs.



a flame cannot exist
where there is nothing to consume.

that must be why
this feels like starving.



i started to write
but only loneliness came out
so i stopped.


nanowrimo notes...

from the latest pep talk by kristin:

Listen. Learning to write 50,000 words means learning a whole pile of skills, but they're learnable skills, and you learn them by writing. One of those skills is finding your own technique for dealing with all the voices that are constantly telling you, in one way or another, what a bonehead you are and how bad you are at this and how doomed your project is. I'm not saying don't listen to the voices. Go ahead and listen to them— if you try to ignore them, sometimes they only scream louder. I'm only saying, don't believe them— and, most importantly, don't let them decide how you spend your day. Maybe laugh and give them a hug and say to them, "Yes, you're sad and lonely and desperate for my attention, aren't you? Well, thank you for visiting; stay as long as you need to; but, by the way, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. Because I know I can do this, and, as it happens, you can't stop me. Want to sit with me at my desk while I show you what I mean?"

they sure know what to say...

i am way, way behind by any stretch of the imagination, although i have logged more words than appear on my counter (haven't updated in some time).

ain't like i've got shit going on. so, there will likely be more writing tonight. we'll see what happens.


nanowrimo notes...

um...15K by monday?

i'm not gonna say i can't, but...that's a tall order.

upside: it's only tuesday. if i can keep kicking out content like i did yesterday afternoon/evening, i might just make it.


nanowrimo notes...

nanowrimo is really a challenge...i'm waaay behind where i'm "supposed" to be, but it was very necessary to have a full and fun weekend.

plot is inching along slowly...new possibilities come to mind like flashes of light.

i may do some freewriting today, email it to myself, and add on when i get home...i don't want to lose this idea that's been brewing the last couple of days.


nanowrimo notes...

skipped a day for nanowrimo. got a case of the blues and they really don't fit into the story...

i do have a scene i could finish up that would add at least a couple hundred words. but the story seems to be shifting itself and i'm not quite sure where its headed.

might wind up clocking some marathon hours over the weekend...