a new connection...

as i experienced this, i didn't realize this:

Xochiquetzal was honored at a festival every 8 years. A young woman was chosen by artisans to impersonate the goddess; she would be sacrificed, flayed, and her skin given to a man to wear while pretending to weave. Artisans would dance around the scene and then confess their sins to a statue of Xochiquetzal through bloodletting. She was also one of the goddesses impersonated during the Toxcatl festival, ritually married to a young man and kept in luxury for a year before being killed.

was that vision an alternative version of the luxury before the sacrifice? 

...or is it possible my vision predates the days of sacrifice?

i've learned to question the histories we're left with, if for no other reason than many weren't articulated until the various conquerors came.  there are centuries to know before that; centuries lost to dirt, water, air and other powers.

sometimes our soul-memories are the realest ones. even if they are the least-believed.

submerged

although i've come to understand and accept the necessity of going underwater, i am still surprised at just how deep and how far under i'll go, given the time and space.

and i know that, over time, it'll only get deeper.

i try not to think of it as "losing days" or ignoring people...

i think (hope) my friends have come to understand...

sometimes the water grabs me.
and i have to let her have her way.

i'll always come back.
promise.

idea #42 - learn your chart

astrolabe has a great free tool that shows you the planets in each house on your chart.

if you know {or can find out} your exact birth time, even better.

for more on astrological houses, click here.

idea #22 - get to know your selves.

this is a woman-centered exercise, but you get the idea.

via twitter {or: rant #98,127}

i'm in love. with everything. mainly myself. but when i get full, it expands and runs over and i see the beauty in it all... and i know that can sound like some hippy dippy bullshit, but it really isn't.

in my opinion, it's at the core of our nature; it is nature itself. why flowers bloom, the ocean moves, and the sun rises.

when we love, when we are loving, when we are loved...it all fits, it all works. but we've gotta expand the boundaries. marriage, partnership, kids, home, family...all of that is love, but it's not ALL love is.

you can be loved/loving if you live alone, if you're childless, if you are {financially} poor.

true poverty is not understanding this; the constant search for things instead of soul.

things are great. they make life easier. but they are not all.

you are all.
earth is all.
sky is all.
water is all.
fire is all.

go deeper.

{begin here}
{if you can't see the timeline, follow me.}

primordial {revisited / continued / expanded}

for each of us as women, there is a dark place within, where hidden and growing our true spirit rises...

these places of possibility within ourselves are dark because they are ancient and hidden; they have survived and grown strong through the darkness. within these deep places, each one of us holds an incredible reserve of creativity and power, of unexamined and unrecorded emotion and feeling. the woman's place of power within each of us is neither white nor surface; it is dark, it is ancient, and it is deep.

~audre lorde, "poetry is not a luxury"

i came face to face with this deep, dark womb-self recently.

interestingly, she is veiled, cloaked in luscious merlot red.  the occasional urge to wrap myself in gossamer scarves must come from her.

i can only sense her face...but her form is less important than her energy, her gifts.

she is sensuous, ethereal...real yet fantastic.
a lover of garnet.
a lightness possessing the gravity of eons.

and somehow,
almost unbelievably,
she is me. 

{other primordial post}