with everything i know,
and everything i've done,
it is still difficult to let go.
i can see free-me standing at the back of my mind,
but i don't know if i want to walk towards her
or run away.
i fear she will swallow my lover whole...
incinerate him somehow.
i cover my mouth with pillows when she arrives,
fearing the neighbors' wrath
(or running into them in the morning...)
i can rein her in by carefully navigating the release;
breathe my way out of
unsightly convulsions and spasms
as needed.
...although i can't help speaking in her (ancient, varied) tongues
or keep the past lives from flashing before my eyes.
she laughs, morphs;
enjoys remembering.
sometimes she brings the water,
expanding me ocean-wide
or turns the bed into a river.
i pray he either doesn't notice
or knows how to swim.
she should not be chained
or relegated to corners.
i'd like to let her run completely wild
unlock all the doors
throw open the windows
leave the gate open...
but i'm afraid.
are you?
