more scorned woman ranting...

{maybe there will be a better title eventually...}

there are days i wish to see you bleed...

when i hope
a smile never crosses your face
and you never know the warmth of another woman.

seriously.

i can't and don't always wish you well.

i am not always the "bigger" person.

sorry.

some days,
i'm still pissed
to the heights of pissivity.
and i wanna throw acid in your face
or stomp on your foot
or slap the black off you...

anything to repay you
for the redness in my eyes
and the soreness in my chest...

honestly?
i can still fking hate you sometimes.

(just being honest)

and i can just hear you saying
"that's unfortunate..."
and i want to
break
your
gotdamned
jaw...
because
you still
don't
get
it.

but
one day
i'm gonna get over this hump
recall i'm 20 feet tall
and step right over you,
crushing the fear you passed on to me
and shoveling away the bullshit
you taught me to put up with.

i'm gonna remember
the love i give
is an asset, not a liability
remember the ways
it was reflected back to me
before you...

someday
i will be presented
with your complete and utter opposite:
one who knows how to heal
instead of hurt
give
instead of take
understand
instead of deflect
take responsibility
instead of blame.

and i'll be happy again
loved from my hair follicles to my toenails
not feared
not put on pedestals
not made artificially perfect
but loved
for my own sweet self
accepted
and seen
through loving, courageous eyes.

when that happens
i'll have no need for gruesome fantasies
and you can go on your merry way...

a mere footnote
in the epic story
of the true and living love of my life.